My usual answer is “…like I like my women - ground up and in the freezer.” But in truth, milk and a lot of sugar. I’m a caffeinated pussy.
LET ME START: OHLOOKNOVAGINA
LOLOLOL I CAN’T EVEN ASDLKJFLD
ALEXHASVAGINA. =))))))) asdfasf
Full name: Jimmy Columbine (not my real name - it’s the Internet, dude)
Birth date: September 9.
Place of birth/Current place of residence: The Ozark Mountain Country of Northern Arkansas.
Heritage: English/Scottish/Native American.
Siblings: 1 younger sister, she’s the female version of me, therefore awesome.
Parents: One close mother, one estranged father.
Religion/Spiritual affiliation: Atheist, struggling to be a humanist. And a hedonist on a budget.
Marital status: Man about town.
Sexual orientation: Decidedly straight, although I have a few male crushes.
Tattoos/piercings: One tattoo on inner left arm, one left ear piecing.
PC or Mac: PC
Mobile phone: iPhone 3G
Do you believe in ghosts? The prospect that they exist is intriguing, but their raison d’etre makes no sense to me, unless it involves science. Like if the “soul” was an electromagnetic field that emanated from a person, and after their death appeared in a location with a severe psychological impact on the deceased, something like that… but most likely we are biological organisms that decay and completely lose consciousness upon death. “There is as yet insufficient data for a meaningful answer.”
Do you believe in UFOs? I believe in the Drake Equation, but if you’re implying that they’ve made it across vast swaths of space… thousands or maybe millions of years in suspended animation just to harass a few humans in forsaken corners of the world, then I disagree. They would have to possess wormhole or space-folding or some other technology beyond human comprehension to make any such space travel worthwhile. And after all that work, why would they pussyfoot around by mutilating cows and leaving meaningless crop circles?
Abortion: Pro-choice. But also pro-birth control, so that choice doesn’t even have to come up.
Death penalty: Hell yes.
Gay marriage: Civil union. I’ve never understood why gay people would want to be joined in a ceremony devised by religions that hate them. Liberal Christians mystify me more than the hardliners do.
Where have you traveled? A good part of the eastern and southern United States, Mexico, England, Scotland, Belgium, The Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, Luxembourg, Monaco, and France.
Where else can you be found on the Internet? Twitter (listed above), Last.fm (but I don’t want you to know my sad music choices), Facebook (never use it), and probably a couple other places I’ve abandoned.
“I mean, you did lose a lot of nice, neat little shit. The trendy paper lamps, the Euro-trash shelving unit, am I right? But maybe, just maybe, you’ve been delivered.”
- Yeah, I still quote Tyler Durden.
For the past 4 years, moving between apartments has been a harrowing and ramshackle industry for me. Between apartments One and Two, and Two and Three, I used abandoned shopping carts to port my earthly possessions. I’ve lived in Number Three for two years, and it’s finally time to let it go and move on to Four.
This time around, however, I don’t have a cart, or anybody else to help me, for that matter. Since it’s only a few blocks away (as they have all been from each other), I’m doing it all by hand, in god knows how many trips over this weekend.
It reminds me of the tedium of an RPG game, where after 5-10 battles or so, you have to upgrade weapons, armor, items, and attributes. “This sword gives +2 more Attack.” “Do I really need 26 Phoenix Downs? “He still has the Ice Wand? No wonder he’s been sucking so much.” Out with the old, in with the new. And so on.
Similarly, I’ve been discovering junk (or, the British term which I like better - “rubbish”) that I’ve been humping around for years now, and I’m now in the process of brutally dumping it or giving it away to people. Which is liberating actually… and it seems every step frees me from more of my fetters.
On the horizon, with my move back to Texas tentatively set at the end of next summer, I face the challenge of either finding a way to transport this mass of objects thousands of miles, or just abandoning it and starting over.
Keepsakes, albums, etcetera I’ve got covered. I’m putting as much as I can into a duffel bag and giving it back to my mom this Christmas, for her to hold on to. Childhood trinkets, school awards, I’ve kind of grown out of carrying those, but I feel like I’ll want them back someday to cherish with my progeny.
In the future, my dream is to have a bed, clothes, a good pair of shoes, kitchen implements, books (although these are becoming exceedingly passe - perhaps just the ones of sentimental value), a few pieces of furniture to stay comfortable, and all of the items needed to upkeep myself and the house, but THAT’S IT. And to take the money I’d spend on all of this physicality that keeps me nailed into one place and use it to fund travel more frequently, even if it’s only a few hundred miles away. Even if it’s just to go hiking in the Texas hill country for a weekend.
Likewise, as my physical exertion is fed into more outgoing activities, my mental faculties would be yanked away from being constantly surrounded by electronic media - television, blogs, meme-a-second websites (god damn you, 4chan), smartphones judging my destinations and never allowing me to get lost. I’ve never been a proponent of the Luddite mindset, of going “back to the land” and forsaking all novelty. I’ve known people like that up here, and the primary reason they do it is because their parents are rich and they can afford to “rough it” for a while before meandering back to technological civilization.
Technology has it’s purpose. Fuck, I love cyberpunk fiction with its vertical cities containing millions of denizens that follow billions of lifestyles and ideologies. We’re nowhere near to that vista, but I have a feeling we’re in for more than a minor sea change or a middling revolution when it comes to human culture in the 21st century. Philip Meyer, in his book “The Vanishing Newspaper” predicts that the last newspaper will hit a doorstep one day in 2043. And I say that’s wishful thinking. Only Cold War era farts and people who forgot to bring their laptops to the coffee shop read those dinosaur blogs.
Not to launch into a “kids today…” tirade, which never really helps anyone, I am quite disconcerted when I think about those who are being born in the 21st century Western world who will not really understand the concept of being “disconnected” from everyone. They’ll experience ennui and isolation, sure, and probably in growing numbers - those things will last as long as society - but they’ll never know protracted communication: writing a letter or calling a person by their landline phone because those are the only two ways of knowing they are alive without venturing to their house.
Do things become more efficient, or just more frivolous? Will there still be love letters, or just love tweets? Will we @someone a proposal of marriage? And what happens to the author, the journalist, and the movie director, when it turns out those positions can and will be allowed to be carried out by just about anyone? Not that there should be restrictions, but a lot of hack work floats to the top more often than it did a century ago. (Twilight, anyone?)
I’ll end it there before I go into another rant about the future of creativity, or I make myself look like a conservative, when really my mindset couldn’t be more opposite. Though, there’s being liberal, and then there’s just falling for every media trend with a loopy smile and a hard-on.
I went from moving to a new apartment to the death of meaningful human contact… wacky editorializing complete… my work here is done.
On with the torrent of amusing images that I’ve collected from the collective unconscious…